I'm no Eskimo, but I've lived in northern, snowy areas all my life. It seems to me that our vocabulary should be enlarged to include words that describe
Big, fat Potato-Chip snow. This is the kind of snow I remember from when I was growing up in suburban Cleveland. Winters were cloudy and snowy, somewhat damp. And the snow was inevitably fat flakes. I understand now that they are actually many individual snowflakes all clumped together.
The thing about these snowflakes is their laziness. They float gently down. This does not mean that they aren't serious. When it's snowing like this, the snow can accumulate very quickly.
I remember watching Potato-Chip snowflakes through the window of a lawyer's office the winter my parents died. We were meeting with the lawyer to talk about my parents' estate, and the talk got thick with lawyerese as the skies outside got thick with snowflakes. Eventually, I stopped trying to follow the conversation and just watched the snowflakes. I was still wondering how, if my dad was gone, the world could keep going.
We don't get Potato-Chip snow here in Iowa very often. We get Iowa snow. There are a few varieties.
Lint snow. This is the kind of snow that appears in the air when a cold front is squeezing what little moisture there is out of the air. Lint snow is like dust--it floats around in the air, and doesn't really accumulate on the ground. Usually when there's lint snow, it's very dry, very cold. Eventually, there'll be enough that the lint snow will swirl around on the streets.
Lint snow is very frustrating. It's cold. It's cold enough to snow--but there's not enough moisture to get the snow. It makes my boys mad--they aren't getting snow for sledding, for shoveling (they have a shoveling gig for money), or for the schools to close.
Serious snow. Occasionally, we'll get lucky here in Iowa, and moisture will collide with a cold front to bring us snow. Serious snow is what we usually get. Serious snow isn't nearly as attractive as Potato-Chip snow--it's got smaller flakes. And it's less friendly, too--usually it's carried along by gusts of wind that make it seems like it's falling sideways. When the wind stops gusting, Serious Snow falls straight down, not floating in any kind of picturesque way. Often when it's snowing, you can't see through it.
When we get a couple hours of serious snow, it can accumulate pretty well. It can also be pretty heavy and not very fun to shovel. Despite its heaviness, it's not good for making snowmen. It is, however, pretty nice for sledding.
After Serious Snow has been on the ground for a while, it becomes Blowing and Drifting snow. Blowing and Drifting snow is a big Iowa hazard. Because our snow has such tiny, dry flakes, it doesn't stick together or stay on the ground very well. The wind just picks it up and sweeps it around. Drifts form everywhere, even in paths shoveled along the sidewalk. If you walk past buildings, Blowing and Drifting snow goes down your neck. It snakes across roads in an eerie way when the winds are high.
Usually after a snowstorm, we got Bitter Cold. Like today, Bitter Cold, with temperatures down to 30 below zero, is accompanied by bright, sunny skies. Eventually, the wind dies down. It's dry and biting outside, and your breath freezes inside your nose. It makes your shoulders hunch up and eyes squint. That dry Bitter Cold also dries out the snow so that it becomes Styrofoam snow, crusty and brittle, with all the moisture sucked out. Often it gets dirty, too. Sometimes I wish for a thaw so we can get rid of the old Styrofoam snow and get some new, fresh snow.
Once it gets warmer, the snow starts to turn to Slop. Sometimes we'll even get more snow directly in the form of Slop from the skies. This happens when it's just barely cold enough to be snow. In fact, Slop is sometimes accompanied by rain. When you have Slop, you need rubber rain boots, not snow boots.
Usually, by the time you get Slop in the spring, it's time to be done with snow. At that time, you're ready for some plain old rain. Or maybe some Drizzle, or Earthbound Fog, or even a bit of Sideways Rain.
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